The Vehicles Earth

Spent a decent amount of time in the XF recently, predominantly for early morning or late night airport runs in the dark while the majority of the world is still sleeping. And for this it’s pretty darn good.

You never have to take the key out of your pocket and fumble with freezing fingers; instead, just walk up, tug the handle and the door opens. Then press and hold the start button (pulsing red as it waits for your touch), twist the rotary controller round to D (you can’t miss it and go straight to S by accident as it needs to be slightly depressed to do so), then the handbrake deactivates automatically and you’re away.

The heated seats really could do with a button rather than necessitating a delve into the slow touchscreen system, but your bum is soon warm, the cabin is bathed in classy turquoise light, and much to the chagrin of whoever steps into the XF after me, to keep me awake BBC 1xtra is pulsating loudly through the speakers.

When you return the XF’s easy to find, too. I never bother writing on the ticket what row I’ve parked in at the airport, trusting my youthful brain to remember. But I inevitably forget, so press a button on the XF’s key and the headlights come on. Press it again and the taillights illuminate too. Then it’s a doddle to find in the dark – and fun to freak out other weary travellers too.

And when you're home, to lock just double tap the black plastic button on the door handle, the lights flash and the mirrors fold to indicate you’re not leaving your pride and joy open to thieves, and then wander away. And definitely glance back at least once.

By Ben Pulman